No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I forgot wine drunk hurts
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
