if i can run in heels then i can drive
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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