the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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