I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
