Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
