I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
