dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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