pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
