did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
