Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
