id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
