I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
