You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
