I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
