STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
