Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
