please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
