dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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