Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
