fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
