you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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