I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
