mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
