u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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