Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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