Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize