so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
