ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this must be what syphilis tastes like
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
