what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
