Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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