y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My ass is underappreciated
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i believe in u and ur pee
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
