ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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