don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
