yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
