the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
