So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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