Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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