tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i think i just lost a toe
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
