i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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