I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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