On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize