i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize