We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
