So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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