I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
