I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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