Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
