Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
