he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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