$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can Purell be used as lube?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
