Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
