oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
