I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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