He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
