He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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