If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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