Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
