also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pants are for mortals
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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