but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
