The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
wow bdsm is so cute
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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