I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
