I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
