I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
