i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
