you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
