Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The air was thick with penises
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
