You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
