my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
