I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
