Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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