I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
