I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
