shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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