That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
