i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize